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Cartoon Black History: Eeyore

April 21, 2011

People such as Andy Kaufman and Joaquin Phoenix have an awful lot of thanking to do. They wouldn’t have even had the notion to trick people if not for this rapscallion. The king of the elaborate prank is still Eeyore.

Eeyore auditioned for a role on a show called Winnie the Pooh. The talent scouts didn’t think he had the right look for a sidekick. Eeyore knew that meant they didn’t want anyone looking better than the star. He went home, practiced, changed his game plan and returned with a new character.

This is when Eeyore, as we know him, was created. He turned himself into the most depressing soul seen in any of the auditions. He was the perfect contrast to the rest of the happy-go-lucky cast. Eeyore was hired on the spot.

Eeyore played his role so well that he became a star in his own right. The goth kids heralded him as a hero. Winnie became jealous and tried to find anything to bring him down. Though Winnie found nothing, he did become suspicious when Eeyore seemed to lose a limb. Eeyore played it off as a magic trick.

After that incident, Winnie was the only one that thought it was odd that Eeyore always had stitches that never healed. But the show had to go on. After years on the air, The Winnie the Pooh Show would go live. Eeyore used it to get back at Winnie, the talent scouts and anyone who ever admired such a melancholy individual.

During the biggest scene, Eeyore ripped the stitches and shed his ill-fitting skin. Winnie passed out and the crowd gasped. The show’s director didn’t cut the feed because she had never seen anything so beautiful. Women jumped out of the crowd and tried to have relations with him on stage. The world learned the truth…

All that time, we had only known him by his last name. He boastfully shouted “Forsooth! I am Ekselz Eeyore!” (GET IT?! Ekselz Eeyore?!) After everyone realized how handsome he was and how great of an actor he had to be, Ekselz went on to have an amazing movie career. No one ever cared to find out what happened to Winnie the Pooh. Mr. Eeyore is credited with the longest ruse in television history. That’s fine, but, my God, he’s so majestic!

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. May 19, 2011 8:41 am

    I’m so damn done with you, after this. Ekselz Eeyore! LMAO

    • May 19, 2011 8:46 am

      HA! Yeah, I can understand why you would say that. Accept my deepest apologies!

  2. February 5, 2012 12:27 am

    LMAO. Thank you for this. I always knew Eeyore was majestic

    • February 5, 2012 6:54 am

      :-D You’re very welcome. I’m glad my intense research can be enjoyed by others lol.

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