Ten Terrific Twitter Testimonials 12
March 28, 2011
- The electric blanket is a delightful invention. It’s like being wrapped in a heterosexual Snuggie.
- Watching Hell’s Kitchen while eating a wack sandwich is like watching hardcore lesbian porn while getting kicked in the gonads. #RufioShrug
- When saying someone should stop doing something, why do people say they should “sit down” as if they couldn’t continue in a seated position?
- You know you live in the future when turning your car on with a key and manually scrapping ice off the windows makes you feel poor.
- The Detroit Lions came together and formed Voltron! #LionsWin
- Homoment: n. (hO-mO-mint) When a woman becomes gay for a fraction of time for any reason. Ex. Jenny has big boobs… I just had a homoment.
- Here’s my Two Tweet Ode to Tits: Yes I’m an ass man. This is not news. But I love having multiple places to snooze…
- …So HERE HERE to the small ones and big ones alike. Merry tit mas (“mas” is “more” in Spanish) to all, and to all a good night.
- Internet, if you were tangible, I’d either punch you dead in the chest or kiss you in the mouth. Today is the former. #ToTheMoonAlice
- I just scratched a lotto ticket where I needed 3 like amounts. Going from L-R it was $4000 then $4000 then $40.00. I am now impotent.
Reading that about the scratch off has made me sad again. This is supposed to be fun. I hate everything now, dammit! PSYCH, just kidding! (sniffle)
FOLLOW ME: @RufioJones