Cartoon Black History: Goombas
Today’s post is in loving memory of a black race that left this planet too soon. This is the story of the true heirs of Mushroom Kingdom known as Goombas.
Despite their less than inviting demeanor, Goombas were a peaceful tribe of aboriginal pygmy pygmies (those are pygmies that are smaller than pygmies). All they wanted was to live freely to move from right to left. But, if something like a pipe obstructed their path, they would kindly go back the way they came.
When trying to go somewhere else completely, a young explorer named Mario Mario “discovered” Mushroom Kingdom. He found a land vast with gold doubloons, plants with warming properties and shiitake-flavored erectile dysfunction cures. Mario had to have it all.
When Mario found out that even the bricks were lined with gold, he began to pillage and destroy everything in his way. Although the Goombas did not engage due to their code of nonviolence, they quickly informed King Goomba.
King Goomba couldn’t sit idly by and watch his kingdom be reduced to rubble. He ordered every Goomba in the land to stand up and fight the scourge. King Goomba produced a massive army to bring down Mario.
After the genocide was complete, Mario had this propagandized artwork painted to make his peers see him as a valiant killer of cannibalistic savages. It also was meant to ward off anyone foolish enough to test his might as the new king.
Appalling. That is the TRUE story of Mario Mario and the Goombas. Mario massacred an entire race. But, to this day, he is glorified as a discoverer of new worlds and savior to his people. America, it’s time to wake up… it’s time.