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Cartoon Black History: Captain Planet

May 5, 2011

Black males are stereotypically vilified when it comes to parenthood. At the same time, they are not praised when doing their job as caregivers perfectly. This is an ode to a hometown hero, a great human and an exemplary father. His name is Captain Planet.

Detroit has the best water in the world. It’s because of the tireless work of people like Captain Planet. He was a sanitation worker in charge of keeping Michigan’s rivers and lakes clean.

After years of searching, Captain would meet his wife at the Worldwide Advancements of Technologies in Recycling, Reducing & Reusing Expo (otherwise known as the WAT3R Expo). Her name was Gaia. She was beautiful and loved the Earth and children as much as him.

They wasted no time trying to get pregnant. What they didn’t know until after the honeymoon was that Captain Planet was unable to have children. It was devastating to the marriage and Gaia eventually left him. As heartbreaking as it was for Planet, he still wanted to have kids. So he adopted at-risk youth from around the world.

L-R: Ma-Ti was an overly sensitive Brazilian that was institutionalized for claiming he could talk to animals. Gi, from Japan, was never adopted because she wet the bed well into her teens. Kwame was from Ghana and partial to discovering new rocks… of crack. Wheeler was a delinquent arsonist in Brooklyn. And Linka, probably the most unfortunate of the bunch, was a Russian prostitute. She was known back home as “The Fan” because she would “blow anything for a Czech.” Despite their shortcomings, Captain Planet loved his kids. He even came up with a cute nickname for them.

Captain Planet helped the kids understand they could turn their cons into pros. He showed them their problems were simply negative manifestations of a greater power within them. Captain always talked about their power. He left the children with a mantra they would never forget.

Under Planet’s tutelage, The Planeteers all lived incredibly successful lives. They laid their father and his immaculate mullet to rest in 1996. Celebrities quickly took notice. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have been trying to recapture that same parental magic ever since. Thank you, Captain Planet, for showing the world how a real black man acts.

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