Ten Terrific Twitter Testimonials 20
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOIN’ HERE?! Wait, what I meant to say was, hey you! I hope you had an excellent weekend. But a new week is upon us. Hopefully this will aid in getting it off to a great start. If not, there are always prostitutes.
- #breakuptexts I </3 U
- I’ve been up for so many hours, I think I’m malfunctioning. I feel like two-plus-two-is-five as hell.
- Just looking at the words “Hamtramck” and “paczki” I feel like the Polish people just had an overabundance of consonants.
- The rain in [Detroit] runs mainly in the plain.
- Q. What do you call a meal eaten off an adult dancer? A. Exotic food (I would also take “gross” as an answer)
- Lord, what fools these mortals be. Funny how when Shakespeare writes it, it’s fine, but when I type it, it’s Ebonics.
- I don’t eat pork so I’m about to go TURKEY! (Totally Uncharacteristic Resulting in Kanye-ish Egotism and Yelling)
- Bubble wrap: World’s greatest toy by mistake.
- I just ate a green bagel. I think there’s a reason dye and die are homonyms.
- Four Loko is back. But it doesn’t have the caffeine. That’s just Two Crazy.
Thanks for sticking around for 20 weeks. I know I usually say something silly here, but I wanted you to know that. Can’t I be serious every once in a blue moon without you getting on my back about it? Just kidding. I know you’re just reading it right now and had no time to judge me accordingly. As you were.
FOLLOW ME: @RufioJones