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You FAIL In Love

June 15, 2011

This week’s post isn’t as funny as it is a damn shame. DISCLAIMER: I’m a jerk, yes. But I’m not an ass. The only reason I’m doing this is because she’s alive, well and, hopefully, on the road to recovery. Here we go…

This beautiful young lady that appears to be setting up for a stunt in a shitty Jason Statham movie is known only as Miss Li. Local community officer Guo Zhongfan is the guy keeping her above ground, literally and figuratively. More on him later. Apparently, Miss Li’s fiance got proverbial frost bite on his feet and left her before the wedding. She was understandably distraught. I guess she had the bright idea that if he didn’t want her, nobody does. So she decided to throw her wedding gown outside while still in it.

Thankfully, there was a great man in the area that wouldn’t let her make the last decision of her life. Community officer Guo Zhongfan used the lesser known choke-save method to get her back inside the window.

Miss Li, let me tell you something… I would’ve flown to China and married your sexy ass in exchange for nothing but a box of Fruit by the Foot. I don’t know what was wrong with your ex. WAIT A MINUTE! Yes I do! If you’re crazy enough to let someone push you to suicide, my guess is that you weren’t all there in the first place. You definitely did some insane things before that day. I truly hope you get the help you need since you made it through this. But NOBODY is worth your life! Miss Li…

BUT you have your life back. Miss Li, realize that he was nothing more than a mistake you made. When you do that, you’ll go from FAIL to WIN in no time. Let this be a lesson to any of you reading this. Don’t be crazy. Don’t let people make you crazy. Don’t try suicide. Don’t allow people to think they’re so powerful and important that you’ll kill yourself if they leave. Don’t steal. Shut up, crime. Go see an independent movie called Super.

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