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You FAIL In Love

July 6, 2011

Two hometown boys in a row on YFiL is as disturbing as it is unfortunate and vice versa. But it is what it is, right? Oh well. Failures wait for no man, even the perceived best of us. Sorry, home skillet, but the clowning must commence.

That’s Chris Hansen (I hope none of you have seen him come out a back room with a camera recently). We knew him around these Detroit parts because he was an anchor here before he went national. Most of you may recognize him from To Catch a Predator. It’s a show where stings are set up for yet-to-be internet child rapists. It’s made him a star. All the while, he’s been married to Mary Joan Hansen.

That’s not Mary Joan. That’s Kristyn Caddell. She’s a reporter in Florida that’s been bumping uglies with Hansen for a short while. How do I know this? Because The National Enquirer set up a sting of their own to catch Chris Hansen cheating. Why they chose to bring down a guy attempting to get potential rubber-baby-buggy-bumpers off the streets will boggle my mind forever. BUT, Senor Hansen, you make me scratch my head, too. If I was in your position (NPI*), I would be more paranoid than an alien-abducted, insomnia-stricken conspiracy theorist that’s been continuously smoking weed for 24 hours on an empty stomach. Using a candid camera as my weapon against preteen butt tyranny would make me think snipers were on the roof searching for me all the time. I’d think “Big Brother” was a stealthy, 20 foot tall African American giant with a high definition camera for a head. I guess you get the point. But Chris Hansen? Naw, none of that. He’s too sweet to be caught. Or so he thought. I never miss an opportunity to rhyme. Learn how to read the tea leaves before you go porking anymore reporters, Chris. Because A. their eyes are watching you and B.

*No Pun Intended

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. July 6, 2011 6:44 pm

    The fact that you referred to internet child predators as “rubber baby buggy bumpers” was enough for me to nearly spit my Red Bull on the laptop.

    • July 6, 2011 6:48 pm

      However, the operative word was “nearly” meaning I could’ve done better and am committed to doing so!

  2. Dev permalink
    July 7, 2011 8:22 am

    HAHAHAHa @ that last photo. You made him look real pervy in that last shot.

    • July 7, 2011 8:24 am

      LMAO That wasn’t even my work. People made that a meme to just add some foolishness to. They made it easy for me lol.

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