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Cartoon Black History: SpongeBob SquarePants

July 14, 2011

Who said black people don’t swim?!

SpongeBob SquarePants was the world’s first African American marine biologist. He was a special child. As a baby, he soaked up everything there was to know about water (you know, because he’s a sponge).

But a single incident sent him on his path to greatness. When he was 14, he went for a swim at the beach. He discovered what would be the world’s biggest jellyfish. As if that wasn’t enough, he not only avoided being stung, he tamed it.

After that, he was hooked. That passion led him to some of the most prestigious discoveries in history. During a deep sea dive, SpongeBob came across what seemed like just a pile of mud. When he wiped it away, he found a plankton that was 30x the normal size. Moreover, the plankton appeared sentient, and maybe even scared.

The science world was all abuzz when SpongeBob uploaded that picture to Facebook. But Mr. SquarePants’ underwater winning streak didn’t end there. He found even more giant, prehistoric creatures that appeared to understand English. When S-Beezy asked, they even posed for a picture… he made it his profile picture.

All the geeks, nerds, dweebs and dorks were ready to say that SpongeBob SquarePants discovered the city of Atlantis. However, scientist or not, he was still a black man. Did he do the responsible thing of capturing these animals for further study by the National Institute of Oceanography? No. But he did catch them, bread them, fry them and have a successful backyard BBQ.

Unfortunately, after eating his findings, he found out his pictures would not suffice as evidence of the existence of these sea monsters. Although he could take pictures from deep in the ocean, his 5 megapixel phone camera was just too grainy to prove anything. But, thanks to Brother SpongeBob SquarePants, at least we know 6-foot tall, pink starfish meat tastes just like chicken.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. July 14, 2011 3:08 pm

    the words ‘World’s Biggest Jellyfish’ reminded me of this:

    Nice post!

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