Cartoon Black History: Garfield
We men have a saying: You can’t trust a big butt and a smile. I don’t want to know what the female version of that mantra is because I need my food not to be thrown up. But whatever it is, this black man is why it exists.
Garfield was every great ladykiller’s inspiration. He was just too cool. Garfield was like a cartoon black Matthew McConaughey because they loved him for doing absolutely nothing. He could be lazy and flash a smile and the panties would fall.
And no matter how much his women may not want to admit it, they were attracted to how much of a jerk he was. Garfield’s hubris knew no competition. How self-involved was he? This was a painting he kept over his bed:
Garfield’s nonchalant reputation preceded him… and that was the point. Garfield was actually the first black man accepted into the Italian mob. He was their most trusted enforcer. At the same time he could walk down the street and not draw attention. So when Garfield was the foot behind a freshly kicked ass, he was never tied to it.
Those that caught a beating were lucky Garfield just wanted to send a message. Many weren’t so fortunate. He had much more blood on his hands. Well that’s figuratively speaking as it was mostly on his weapon of choice.
Garfield was never brought to trial. He just quietly retired from the killings on a remote island. But he would send pictures of himself to the families of his victims to remind them not to talk. (one brave soul did bring this picture to the authorities… emphasis on the “soul” as he mysteriously died)
So ladies, be careful who you decide to lay with. The quiet ones always have something up their sleeves. And I’m not saying every black man that loves lasagna as much as Garfield kills for the Mafia, but I certainly just typed it.