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A Wolverine in Wasilla

September 21, 2011

I’d like to personally thank everyone involved before I even start. This is the funniest story I’ve ever heard in my whole life. The randomness is raised to the Nth power. Everything about it since it surfaced let’s me know that joy and laughter still exists in this world. This is the story of Sarah Palin and Glen Rice.

First and foremost, I encourage schoolgirl giggles anywhere you deem appropriate. The abridged version goes like this: Sarah Heath (Palin), a budding sports reporter, and Glen Rice, a star basketball player for University of Michigan, met in 1987. They both attended The Great Alaska Shootout (schoolgirl giggles). Then, ACCORDING TO REPORTS IN JOE MCGINNISS’ BOOK (meaning I’m not to blame), they banged LMAO! My words, not McGinniss’. In ’88 she ran off with What’s-His-Face-Y’Know-The-Snowmobile-Guy Palin and got married.

Rice was quoted by McGinniss as saying “I remember it as if it was yesterday.” I bet you do! “We just hit it off.” I bet you did! “In a short time, we got to know a lot about one another.” I bet… man, c’mon… why would you even say that, Glen?! He wants me to laugh to death, that’s why.

The past is the past and it’s too bad that celebrity drudges things back up. With that said, this is too great. Glen rice?! That’s a name I never thought I’d hear in the news for any reason ever again. But when I do, it’s because he schtooped a 2008 presidential hopeful? That’s amazing! And why is Rice talking about it now? He’s good for keeping it a secret for this long. I KNOW Palin’s ol’ racist ass is sick, too! I’m sure she didn’t want anyone to know why she really sided with the teabaggers. But it’s all good, lady. Congrats to you both. I do, however, think it may be a good idea to get Bristol blood tested. It sounds to me like Sarah had her mind on Glen’s “black pistol” when she came up with her daughter’s name… just an observation.

P.S. The Great Alaska Shootout was in Anchorage. So if you were wondering about the inaccuracy of the title, I have an explanation. In my brain, Sarah Palin refers to her vagina as The Queen of Wasilla… that’s all. 😀

4 Comments leave one →
  1. Liberals Suck permalink
    December 5, 2013 9:02 am

    Sure this is “old news”…but you’re categorically disgusting for this article. It’s all okay if you’re a left-wing-nutjob who revels in seedy stories about anybody who isn’t liberal. You likely don’t even know who YOUR daddy is, and it’s YOU who should get paternity testing so you can sue for some entitlement. After all, isn’t entitlements the mantra of you leftist bastards? (that’s rhetorical, but you’d not understand that concept, since you spent your time in school studying Maya Angelou instead of grammar.)

    • December 6, 2013 8:53 am

      First of all, I’m glad you posted this now that Hostess is back in business. They make Wonder Bread. Get two slices and eat a dick. Secondly, I actually do know my father. I apologize about that jab you went for missing so clumsily. SIDEBAR: Doesn’t “left-wing-nutjob” read like a sordid sex act? That sounds like your kind of party, liberals.suck. Please excuse the tangent. Back to the matter at hand… this was a story, true or not, that I found hilarious. However, I had no idea your rectum would be caused so much turmoil because of MY words. For that, I am filled with sorrow. I hope you can find it in your butt to forgive me. Take your whole head and look in there long and hard for mercy. Thank you in advance for your unyielding kindness.

      P.S. Shout out to your superfluous commas, oh grammar lord! Harvard is really working its magic on you… what a dumb bitch.

  2. December 6, 2013 4:22 pm

    I am having a hard time deciding what to laugh at the hardest:

    A) The pompous and arrogant misfire of an insult given by the world’s loneliest douchebag. What a medical oddity you must be to have your funny bone jammed up your ass.

    B) Rufio Jones’ recipe for dick sandwiches. Classy and hilarious.

    C) That Bristol= Black pistol comment did me in.

    The answer of course is a resound D.) ALL THE A-FUCKING-BOVE!!!!!!!!!!!

    • December 7, 2013 4:56 pm

      You are nothing short of a marvel, my dear. Keep your kindness to a maximum!

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