THEE Double Standard
WARNING: This post will have generalizations. Not because all wo/men believe these things, but because I don’t want to type “some” a million times. Also, these are things I think happen subconsciously… but what do I know?
Sometimes I get asked relationship questions. As you’ve probably noticed during the stint of TCBM, I think differently from people. It helps with being goofy, but I see real life issues in a weird way, too. I hope this aids in clearing up some things.
Women often wonder why the same man that repeatedly cheats is angry or devastated if he is cheated on. Well I have a few theories of why this double standard exists. I’m not making it okay, just trying to have it make more sense.
Boys become teens that become men that become old guys. During that journey they hear women say all men are dogs and will have sex with anything that moves. That’s a lot of years to be bombarded by that message. A message that has more to do with the deliverer’s perception than the recipient’s reality, might I add. Men become socially constructed to fulfill that prophecy. If a man doesn’t do what, according to women, all men do, then how is he a man?
Women are plagued by society in the opposite way. All through life, women are made to believe sex is wrong period, let alone with anyone other than her significant other… and God forbid more than that. So if a woman has a boyfriend/fiancee/husband and cheats on him, that’s a very Berlin-esque wall of thought she must break through to do it. For the man in the relationship, that’s a much harder pill to ingest. There’s more to take into consideration if that wasn’t convincing enough.
Unlike women, there’s a good consensus that men have sex just cause. Love doesn’t have to be a factor. He can have no feelings whatsoever for the mistress. Conversely, when a woman cheats, it’s with a man that matters. It’s a guy she has “been with” emotionally for a long time. They have sex with men they would be with if not in a relationship. That’s why the guy can feel like his lady is worse than him if she’s just on the phone with a man for a long time. He recognizes their relationship lacks the connection needed to want to be on a phone with him or talk much at all. Finding out that same man has been with her sexually becomes the ultimate knife in the heart no matter what emotionless misdeeds he has partaken in.
All of this comes to an intentionally punned head with orgasms. A man can just as easily have an orgasm with someone he loathes as he would his soulmate. So it’s going to happen regardless. A connection certainly intensifies the sensation, but it’s not a requirement. What’s not necessary for men is usually a linchpin for women. Women need to feel the rushes of emotions and love and endorphins to orgasm more so than the sex alone. Although women have the ability to have multiple orgasms, it may take all those things happening at the same time and harmoniously for a single orgasm. Imagine being a man in a relationship who can’t guarantee that perfect storm every time because of whatever is happening in the relationship. Now imagine that same man being able to spend 10 minutes with a woman who amounts to no more than a living masturbatory hand and have an orgasm. Now imagine that man’s girlfriend/fiancee/wife cheats on him and has an orgasm. With all that it takes for a woman to have an orgasm, there’s no worse feeling than knowing another man was able to check off everything on that proverbial “things-to-do” list.
It sucks being cheated on. But, as odd as it may seem, it doesn’t mean the man loves his woman any less. She just might not have been around when “she” was around and he was aroused. It’s harder to prove for women that something “just happened” with all the stigmas built up against them. That’s the strange world society has placed us in. Again, it condones nothing, but all is not lost.
I never saw the point of cheating. When the urge arises, the relationship is normally not going well anyway and should probably end (or so I thought). Therefore, I always saw the double standard as weird, too. Stepping back, I can see how a dude that cheats can come to these conclusions. But it’s a bit like the bathroom debate…
If a guy takes a shower, his skin is clean. If he goes to urinate, he’s just touching outside skin he has already cleaned. So if he leaves without washing his hands, what’s the big deal, right? But it doesn’t make it any less gross just because it makes sense logically. As humans, we make decisions whether or not they’re understandable to ourselves or others. Taking time to wash after using the bathroom may seem like a waste, but science shows it’s not. Moreover, if people find out he didn’t wash his hands and he prepares food, for example, they’ll get sick and want to kill him. Well, the same thing happens when he cheats on his girlfriend.
If you’re in a monogamous relationship, just don’t cheat. Guys, be good to your ladies. Ladies, be good to your guys. The double standard is what it is. If s/he is the one, do your best to keep it that way.