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THEE Double Standard

September 28, 2011

WARNING: This post will have generalizations. Not because all wo/men believe these things, but because I don’t want to type “some” a million times. Also, these are things I think happen subconsciously… but what do I know?

Sometimes I get asked relationship questions. As you’ve probably noticed during the stint of TCBM, I think differently from people. It helps with being goofy, but I see real life issues in a weird way, too. I hope this aids in clearing up some things.

Women often wonder why the same man that repeatedly cheats is angry or devastated if he is cheated on. Well I have a few theories of why this double standard exists. I’m not making it okay, just trying to have it make more sense.

Boys become teens that become men that become old guys. During that journey they hear women say all men are dogs and will have sex with anything that moves. That’s a lot of years to be bombarded by that message. A message that has more to do with the deliverer’s perception than the recipient’s reality, might I add. Men become socially constructed to fulfill that prophecy. If a man doesn’t do what, according to women, all men do, then how is he a man?

Women are plagued by society in the opposite way. All through life, women are made to believe sex is wrong period, let alone with anyone other than her significant other… and God forbid more than that. So if a woman has a boyfriend/fiancee/husband and cheats on him, that’s a very Berlin-esque wall of thought she must break through to do it. For the man in the relationship, that’s a much harder pill to ingest. There’s more to take into consideration if that wasn’t convincing enough.

Unlike women, there’s a good consensus that men have sex just cause. Love doesn’t have to be a factor. He can have no feelings whatsoever for the mistress. Conversely, when a woman cheats, it’s with a man that matters. It’s a guy she has “been with” emotionally for a long time. They have sex with men they would be with if not in a relationship. That’s why the guy can feel like his lady is worse than him if she’s just on the phone with a man for a long time. He recognizes their relationship lacks the connection needed to want to be on a phone with him or talk much at all. Finding out that same man has been with her sexually becomes the ultimate knife in the heart no matter what emotionless misdeeds he has partaken in.

All of this comes to an intentionally punned head with orgasms. A man can just as easily have an orgasm with someone he loathes as he would his soulmate. So it’s going to happen regardless. A connection certainly intensifies the sensation, but it’s not a requirement. What’s not necessary for men is usually a linchpin for women. Women need to feel the rushes of emotions and love and endorphins to orgasm more so than the sex alone. Although women have the ability to have multiple orgasms, it may take all those things happening at the same time and harmoniously for a single orgasm. Imagine being a man in a relationship who can’t guarantee that perfect storm every time because of whatever is happening in the relationship. Now imagine that same man being able to spend 10 minutes with a woman who amounts to no more than a living masturbatory hand and have an orgasm. Now imagine that man’s girlfriend/fiancee/wife cheats on him and has an orgasm. With all that it takes for a woman to have an orgasm, there’s no worse feeling than knowing another man was able to check off everything on that proverbial “things-to-do” list.

It sucks being cheated on. But, as odd as it may seem, it doesn’t mean the man loves his woman any less. She just might not have been around when “she” was around and he was aroused. It’s harder to prove for women that something “just happened” with all the stigmas built up against them. That’s the strange world society has placed us in. Again, it condones nothing, but all is not lost.

I never saw the point of cheating. When the urge arises, the relationship is normally not going well anyway and should probably end (or so I thought). Therefore, I always saw the double standard as weird, too. Stepping back, I can see how a dude that cheats can come to these conclusions. But it’s a bit like the bathroom debate…

If a guy takes a shower, his skin is clean. If he goes to urinate, he’s just touching outside skin he has already cleaned. So if he leaves without washing his hands, what’s the big deal, right? But it doesn’t make it any less gross just because it makes sense logically. As humans, we make decisions whether or not they’re understandable to ourselves or others. Taking time to wash after using the bathroom may seem like a waste, but science shows it’s not. Moreover, if people find out he didn’t wash his hands and he prepares food, for example, they’ll get sick and want to kill him. Well, the same thing happens when he cheats on his girlfriend.

If you’re in a monogamous relationship, just don’t cheat. Guys, be good to your ladies. Ladies, be good to your guys. The double standard is what it is. If s/he is the one, do your best to keep it that way.

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. September 29, 2011 11:48 am

    I say this ALL THE TIME. Could NOT have worded it any better. Bravo.

    Unfortunately, women will have none of this. lol

    • September 29, 2011 11:58 am

      Women shouldn’t have any of it, but that’s just how it is. Like me getting it still isn’t a good excuse to cheat. Hell, I’m nobody. But, and rightfully so, it’s hard for women to understand why a man can cheat and still claim to love her… it’s probably not a claim. On the other hand, if she cheats, all those are the reason he feels she doesn’t love him. It will always be weird.

  2. Sarah BelletheBEAST McIntosh permalink
    September 29, 2011 3:39 pm

    It’s all disgustingly true. I love how honest this piece is. My other half and I have this conversation often and he says “when a girl cheats it’s way more serious than a dude cheating because she cheats with her feelings. She cheats to spite her boyfriend or to avenge an injustice. She cheats because she is seeking validation or the illusion of comfort. If I cheat, its cuz the pussy was right there and no one was present to tell me not to.” I respect it, but I’ll also kill it, need be. What’s crazy is that for a women to be as cavalier with her sexuality, she gotta have “daddy issues,” or something else that gives men more credit than they deserve. I have a family member (let’s just say it’s NOT my sister ) who has fully embraced the slut in her or her innerman, as we call it. It’s just how she is. Some extra warped chromosome or something- but she can screw just as easily as one can blink and forget about it all the same. But I guess she isn’t the rule here. I don’t care what the thought process is behind the act, whether u loved the person or didn’t know their last name. Cheating makes u a horrible person and if u ask me, causes cancer.

    • September 29, 2011 3:52 pm

      LOL I don’t know about the cancer part, but it is a horrible thing. That’s why I don’t think it’s cool. But I can see why the double standard exists.

      • Sarah BelletheBEAST McIntosh permalink
        September 29, 2011 5:01 pm

        I know teh cancer theory is a little iffy but if u say something causes canver enough times, usually it makes people at least think about it. Like using your cell phone or eating too many blue raspberry charms blow pops. lol.

  3. Sarah BelletheBEAST McIntosh permalink
    September 29, 2011 5:01 pm

    clearly I don’t proofread. my bad.

    • September 29, 2011 5:20 pm

      LOL You’re fine! I gotcha now. You’re right. Tell people something enough and their latent hypochondria will flair up lol.

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