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Cartoon Black History: Chip ‘n’ Dale

November 10, 2011

Two heads are better than one. That’s what she said… and meant, for that matter, when speaking of these colored fellows.

Chip and Dale might as well be one word. Born in a small town outside of Louisville, KY, these guys were inseparable since birth. They pretty much stayed the same since they were dropped by the stork.

To clarify, when I said Chip and Dale ‘pretty much stayed the same since they were dropped by the stork’, I meant naked. They gave no damns about public decency laws. Moreover, C&D were so confident when they walked down the street that passers-by thought they had clothes on. But nope… jay bird status.

The women couldn’t handle themselves around Chip and Dale, and they knew it. Their idea to make money off these hound dog broads was revolutionary. They bought a building, dressed in costumes and danced for paying customers. It became the world’s first male strip club. They simply called it “Chip ‘n’ Dale’s”.

That picture was on the front of the club. Chip and Dale were synonymous with the top hat, cane and, specifically, the bow tie. But, as a sign of the times, the ladies favorite costume change was when they danced as Harrison Ford and Tom Selleck in their most famous roles.

C&D ended every show with a “treat” for the most testosteronally deprived of their boobed consumers. They gathered a bunch of nuts, simulated sex and threw the nuts all over the audience (R. Kelly is rumored to do something similar with a spotlight at his shows as an homage to Chip ‘n’ Dale’s). They called this finale… well, you can read…

They made piles of money. Their problem, like so many of my people, was they thought too small. They were fine being stars in Kentucky. They were so nonchalant about developing their brand and image that they didn’t trademark anything. To Chip and Dale, even the idea of going through that process was laughable.

Well it wasn’t funny when, though slightly tweaked, their brand, image and even their name was taken by a millionaire with lawyers that knew all the loopholes. The new club popped up across the street from C&D’s (and in the 49 other states). Due to the almost indistinguishable parallels, the Chip ‘n’ Dale’s crowd became the Chippendales crowd.

Chip and Dale couldn’t compete. Chip ‘n’ Dale’s closed its doors and the money dried up. After that experience, they were plagued by alcoholism and crippling bouts with paranoia.

But no one was after them as everything had already been taken. Listen, friends, take Chip and Dale as an example. You must know The Man well since you’ll always be forced to play his game. So dot each “i” and cross every “t”. Because as soon as you think you have the upper hand, he pulls the Ace of Spades out of his leather Chippendale pants… ugh, that sounded really gross.

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