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Cartoon Black History: Rocky & Bullwinkle

December 22, 2011

Being the first African American males to do anything has the consequence of being dangerous. It doesn’t even seem to matter how insignificant the accomplishment is. Jealousy and racism readily conjoin to cause problems. No one knows that more than these pioneers.

Rocky and Bullwinkle were the world’s first black magician team. Rocky was the brains while Bullwinkle was the face of the operation. They got no respect as amateurs, though. It’s partly their fault for not perfecting their craft before going on stage. Their magic hat routine where Rocky was supposed to vanish and reappear had continuous problems.

Boris the Spellbinder and his beautiful assistant Natasha were the best illusionists on the planet. They saw great potential in Rocky and Bullwinkle. Therefore, they took the newbies under their apprenticeship and truly made Rocky and Bullwinkle part of the magic community.

Overtime, Rocky and Bullwinkle became experts with the help of Boris and Natasha. Additionally, Natasha bestowed upon them their new magic nicknames… The Marvelous Mr. Bullwinkle and The Great Rockini! They even learned new tricks like jumping into a shallow pool from 100 feet in the air and extreme juggling.

With genius black magicians being the unorthodox novelty that it was, Rocky and Bullwinkle were instant stars! The new fame was a bit off-putting to them. Mostly due to the paparazzi following their every move.

Rocky and Bullwinkle became the most sought after magicians. They made so much money from smoke and mirrors that they had to open an off shore account.

The stock of Boris the Spellbinder and Natasha, however, quickly tanked in favor of The Great Rockini and The Marvelous Mr. Bullwinkle. What R&B didn’t know was knocking the top dogs from their #1 spot (especially when taken in by them) is not kosher in the magic community. Consumed with feelings of envy and betrayal, Boris and Natasha prepared their most elaborate magic trick ever… making Rocky and Bullwinkle disappear for good.

Rocky and Bullwinkle were brutally murdered by their mentors. I feel terrible for them because I can’t imagine going to the afterlife knowing the last thing I did was ride a tandem bicycle. The good news is everyone knows Boris and Natasha are behind it. The bad news is they know how to come up missing and stay that way. So if you see these two maniacs, PLEASE call your local authorities!

Yeah, other heinous crimes like first degree murder!

I’m fighting for the legacy of R&B everyday. Do your part to make the magic return to the black community… it takes a village, y’all.

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