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Cartoon Black History: Chilly Willy

December 29, 2011

If necessity is the mother of invention, boredom must be its useless alcoholic of a dad. Beautiful creations can still happen out of such chaos. One of which is a young man that has the most firsts in black history. His name is William Michaels.

William was an extremely poor kid from Oakland, CA. He was disgustingly malnourished which made him not want to do anything. Those factors led to extreme boredom. What’s worse, his dreads weren’t taken care of at all… gross.

Mr. Michaels had enough. He decided to be the first to do what no other black person had done before him… go out in the cold and not complain. So he started on a hitchhiking trek to Colorado’s highest peaks. When the homies got word of what William was doing, he got a new name…

When Chilly Willy arrived in Colorado, he was still broke as he had ever been. It was a plus, though, because he knew how to rough it. Chilly Willy just had to adjust to the new climate and be more caveman-y about finding food.

For the record, there’s a reason Chilly Willy wore that hat with those colors… he was a Blood. He was young, small and wanted to feel part of a family (however brutish they may be). They taught him ways to protect himself. So when a dude in Colorado thought he was going to check CW’s gangsta, his hand was crushed like grapes for a fine pinot noir.

When Chilly Willy HANDled that character, he wanted to tell the homies about it. There were no cell phones at this time, though. Hell, where he was, there were know home phones either. So Chilly Willy invented a new kind of land line to keep in touch with his people.

As Chilly Willy worked his way atop Colorado’s Grizzly Peak, he found out it wasn’t called that randomly. He may have been a little scared, but there were no worries. Chilly Willy was a cool cat… well, not a cat, but y’know. The one thing his mom taught him was any vicious beast can be tamed with pork ‘n’ beans.

Chilly Willy kept climbing. As he neared the summit, he paused to gaze at the majestic land below. However, he didn’t stop long as he swore Grizzly Peak was telling to him to continue somehow (I understand as clouds can be very deceiving).

William “Chilly Willy” Michaels was the first African American to climb to the top of any mountain. Yet he didn’t plant a flag. Instead, he saluted his Blood brothers that let him leave the gang to pursue his goal. How? He celebrated like we do in Detroit to ring in the new year… by unloading guns into the sky.

What a feat! Alas, on the way back down Grizzly Peak, Chilly Willy was fatally struck by one of his own bullets that obeyed the laws of gravity quicker than he anticipated… BUT HE MADE IT UP THERE! Good for him. As far as the aforementioned new year is concerned, may yours be safe, merry and free of bullet rain.

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